Comments on: Pornography and Rape: A Personal Essay by Gertrude Green

By: Fourth Carnival Against Pornography and Prostitution « The Burning Times

Fourth Carnival Against Pornography and Prostitution « The Burning Times — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 20:25:13 +0000

[...] of the connections between porn culture and rape, Gertrude Green has written a brave piece entitled Pornography and Rape: a personal essay, posted at Spinning Spinsters. Louis slapped my bottom and was rough while he fucked me, [...]

By: Dissenter

Dissenter — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 22:55:57 +0000

Jennifer, yes, that ‘boys will be boys’ thinking is so awful – that justification was even being flung around last year when a group of Melbourne schoolboys tortured a girl, filmed it and posted it on the internet.

Under no circumstances must men be held accountable for what they do, ever.

Ceejay, I’m so glad you’ve convinced your husband to destroy his porn collection! ‘Sexually anorexic’ – what does that mean? I agree with you – now that you can say no, say it as much as you want to, whenever you want to. If that equates to being sexally anorexic, ie not available 24 hours whenever men want, well…maybe that is more your counselor’s problem than yours.

By: ceejay1968

ceejay1968 — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:21:10 +0000

It is so true. I have been fucked literally hundreds of times after having said, “No,” “I really don’ want to,” I’m tired,” I really don’t feel like it, I really don’t want to,” “I said no…” It happened before my marriage with other men and it has happened inside this marriage too – lots.

He’s in some counseling for his warped ideas about sex. About 8 weeks ago, he ran all of his porn DVDs through the paper shredder (I went to the “Stop Porn Culture” conference, came told & told him about it; he was quiet and then a few days later announced that porn had wrecked his thinking about sex and maybe his whole life and that he had destroyed it all).

And me – well, my counselor says maybe I’m sexually anorexic right now. Maybe. I do know I’ve finally learned to say “no” and not let any amount of pressure, guilt, or touching lead to sex I don’t want. I will be 40 in August. I’m finally owning my own fucking body, and nobody’s going to stop me.

By: Gertrude Green

Gertrude Green — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 22:34:16 +0000

Yes please spinningsisters, may as well change the name to keep things from getting too confusing.

By: jennifer drew

jennifer drew — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 10:08:09 +0000

Yes indeed socialisation of girls into passive feminine behaviour sets us all up for male sexual exploitation and sexual abuse. It took me years to recognise what it was that I had perceived was wrong with femininity. As a child I refused to accept the injustice wherein so many boys’ behaviour was excused as ‘just boys being boys’ when in fact they were abusing girls. But I was constantly told ‘this just shows the boy(s) like you and this was when I was aged 6 or 7 years old!!

Abyss2hope has an excellent article from a woman named Elizabeth who also recognises how girls are conditioned from birth to be passive, submissive and potential victims of male sexual and physical violence. But unfortunately popular science constantly tells us male sexual and physical aggression is innate and in the ‘genes.’ Yet more excuses for justifying and condoning male sexual and physical violence against women and girls. Plus of course we are engaging in man-hating.

For the record it is male behaviour which needs to be challenged not males as a group therein lies the difference.

By: spinningspinsters

spinningspinsters — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 07:14:09 +0000

Thanks and noted Gertrude Green. Would you like this post to be posted under your new name with a link to the new blog, or leave it with the Haggard Harpie identity?

By: Gertrude Green

Gertrude Green — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 03:27:59 +0000

For those who don’t know, Haggard/Hairy Harpie has now changed her name to Gertrude Green, in order to appear less feminist for the construction of my brand new blog (which is appealing to the masses) on Gardasil.

Thank you for your kind reply Debs. I think that the commonality of my experience is what is so terrible and saddening about it. I wrote this essay a couple of years ago when I first realised that I had been raped so many years ago.

For the record, I now believe that all kinds of pornography ‘entrench inequality’, and think that woman-centered activism is more effective than trying to change men’s behaviour.

By: stormy

stormy — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 01:01:39 +0000

A non-academic book that I think all females should read is “I never called it rape” by Robin Warshaw. The book primarily covers aquaintance rape, by far the most common type of rape.

More women would ‘name’ their rapes if given such information, instead of being instructed by the (increasingly pornified) culture as ‘rough sex’ etc.

By: Debs

Debs — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 13:57:21 +0000

“Because of my passive way of dealing with the situation, I did not state clearly that I did not want to have sex.”

This was me too, on several occasions. I would be willing to bet it happens to most women at some point in their lives. So many times, when we are being raped, we say nothing, because our ‘feminine’ socialisation has been so successful, we cannot protest.

Thank you so much for this essay, it is very moving, and very true. x